Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
