hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
