just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
