There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
