this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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