if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
