hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
