I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
