I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
