i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Randomize
