Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
