Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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