based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
