after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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