Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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