and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
