Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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