i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
