Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina

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(785): View more from Kansas

First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

(508): View more from Massachusetts

because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

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(925): View more from California

I hope this adventure ends at a hospital

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(+30): View more from

Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

You are my mentor.

(276): View more from Virginia

I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.

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(813): View more from Florida

It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.

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