I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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