my mouth tastes like poor choices
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
