He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
