and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
