omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
