I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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