New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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