yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
