I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
