Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize