I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize