i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
