I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
