I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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