Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
