My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
