Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
