does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My cat gives me a boner
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
