I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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