So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
