Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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