I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize