what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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