my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
