Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
