I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
