don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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