so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
