so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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