I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
