At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
