Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize