if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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