I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
