I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
