and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
