I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
