I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
