I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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