it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
