wrigley field is MILF paradise
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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