kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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