Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
