would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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