I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I would ride that face into the sunset
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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