Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
