yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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