I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
