she woke up with a sticky ear
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
