he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
